Posts Tagged Marriage
Smart as Hell Revisited
Posted by Carl in Essays, Finding Purpose on March 28, 2011
Time goes by in a way that fools me and then it is not gone. It’s right in my fucking driveway.
Lately I have had a fatalistic feeling of being able to do nothing but wrong. People give me feedback that supports this evaluation. It is odd.
If I told you that I watch every step before my foot goes down, the exaggeration would not be too thick. This would be marvelous risk prevention if it worked. When I watch my steps today, it does not save me from stepping in the bad yesterday. The good I step in today might well be bad tomorrow. This brings on a full Alice-in-Wonderland feel. When time or learning do not matter, I become this massive, chaotic balloon with no chance of ever coming back to society, perhaps not flying into the sun but more flying so badly as to be permanently lost.
They tell me lately that I allow my emotions to wipe out the rational reactions to situations and events. It’s true that I am Read the rest of this entry »
River Stop Triptych – Exercise 3RB
I Shrink Me
Did you ever want to be a happy bubble,
molecules without choice?
I glide past the chance of happiness,
prevail upon the clearest water,
bitty bubbles frothing slightly white,
and I can never stop the river.
I cry.
I run in fear,
in front of it.
When I run, I die.
Her mien and my apprehensions
make me dissemble.
Shrink me, propel me down the river.
II River Stop
My creator does not stop my river.
Always fear when there should not be,
but a silent, still me, a happy bubble,
perfect and permanently at peace.
I know she loves me,
I need to be behind the engine,
the restaurant car, bypassing the ‘magic’ of liquor.
but if we have a happy moment,
stop the river,
not like ice.
III Leaping in Happy Bubbles
And I can never stop the river.
I cry.
I glide, passing by happiness,
Did you ever want to be a happy bubble?
Perfect and permanently at peace,
molecules without choice.
Shrink me, propel me down the river,
bitty bubbles frothing slightly white.
Prevail upon the clearest water.
In front.
When I run, I die.
Always fear when there should not be.
She is a driver and I need to leap in.
She informs me and sometimes she manifests it,
makes me dissemble, but I know she loves me.
Her mien and my apprehensions,
and I can never stop the river.
I cry.
stillfugue 