The black on the coal grey screen said 9:08, confirming ugliness in the truth of being. Failure drips down, seemingly from hair follicles that have tremors. She was smiling in the room with glass corner until she glanced at him as he sailed the hallway, and he knew the screen on the phone on his desk would show bad news. He had been hoping for 9:03 or 9:04 after seeing her violent eyes. As it is, there is no defense. He had promised her that he would arrive by 9 AM each morning, agreeing that this was entirely reasonable. He failed, failed, failed, and today there was clarity to the failure. Even the most simple parts of life squeeze and expand the pulpy mind of consistent failure. This is not a decent man, so it may be a terrible way to start our fictional dig into psychological essay about what it is to be a decent man. We will find out despite his failures.
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stillfugue 
#1 by Carl D'Agostino on April 10, 2014 - 1:37 pm
We will find out despite his failures.
That’s mostly the way I found out as it is for most of us. But many had to be to be able to know the pitfalls to avoid so to have successes.
I had to endure 35 years of substance abuse in order to get 12 years clean and sober.
#2 by Carl on April 10, 2014 - 9:49 pm
Yes, I understand and admire your persistence. Starting from sober seems to give me a much better chance at avoiding failure, but my mind won’t catch up with my life. This piece and subsequent parts are just an experiment. My doctor asked me to write about what it means to be decent because I acknowledged I didn’t believe her when she said I am (a decent human being).
#3 by Find an Outlet on April 11, 2014 - 1:14 am
This is so, so good. There are threads that will smack each of us differently, where our pain is.
It was a few weeks ago, just an offhand comment—something to ‘help me’ see how everything is not wrong, it’s just me. It stung but I’ve heard it before, but this time it grew in my mind from watery trickle to digital masterpiece, with emphasis on clarity. Of failure. Because it’s never enough to just be decent. Eight minutes late. Failure to laugh on cue. Looking forward with fear. I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry I’ll do better I promise to be someone else.
#4 by clinock on April 11, 2014 - 4:32 am
A ‘decent’ man…”conforming with accepted standards of respectable or moral behavior”…”not likely to shock or embarrass others” …Your heading…”Becoming the artist I want to be”…juxtapose them Carl…can you have both?
Your words an agonizing tearing of two sides of you…powerful yet full of pain…I’m with ‘Find an Outlet’, her words as powerful as yours…”I promise to be someone else”….We are so easily put down by expectations of others,,,submit to the electrode and you will be like us and all shall be well…fight to be you Carl…with everything you are…I am with you…
#5 by Kay Camden on April 12, 2014 - 8:42 am
You’ve nailed it. I thought of this on Friday morning when the clock in the car hit 8:00 and I was still blocks away. I think I ended up being 11 minutes late. So trivial in our wide universe.