I wonder at why I should feel
so much pain, the purest emotional
pain, knowing nothing is personal,
my emotions override, and seem
to insist that all of the people
treat me gently, stop these personal
bombs, intentional or not, treat
me gently, I plead, blind for tears
that I’ve learned I must control
but have never controlled, learning
that regardless of personal shame
flowing from these outer indicators
of the insanity of a hopeless being,
they will despise me for my weakness,
and I wonder why on some occasions
I find gentle people who treat others
kindly, but these do not stay in my
life, for god seems to laugh at me
when god treats me to all of the tough
ones as I sit here terminally beaten, gone.
This poem is cheesy but it is the truth.
I wonder at why I am so damned cheesy,
but I remember it all comes from this
broken human structure I’m bound by.
My eyes are tired. They hurt.
.
stillfugue 
#1 by Carl D'Agostino on September 15, 2013 - 12:14 pm
Learning how to disallow others to have control over us when none must be tolerated does take practice for some of us. Usually they are paying no attention to us in the first and the persecution is imagined.
#2 by Carl on September 17, 2013 - 1:39 pm
You are right of course, but I am a sick man. Thanks for your comment.
#3 by Carl D'Agostino on September 17, 2013 - 5:55 pm
Most of us are sick (for lack of a better term)emotionally to one degree or another. One part of some sort of healing is to have insights that our perceptions may not be real and try to adjust. Like I said , it takes practice. For me entering seventh decade of that. In my case of depression, despite quality meds, it is overwhelming but I can withstand it because I know it is not real but a malfunction. Kinda like white-knuckling through 12 hours of a bad LSD trip. Those hours of suffering are not real. But others may not have that strength and the emotional damage may not be healed.
#4 by sixthsymph on September 26, 2013 - 9:49 pm
I feel that ‘cheesy’ is a word used by people who dread even thinking about the feelings and desires you describe here. If explored, ‘cheesy’ can be – and is, in the case of this poem – brave, worthy and special.
#5 by Carl on October 11, 2013 - 10:20 pm
You’re right, and cheesy is in the eye of the beholder, like beauty, but it’s fun to make fun of yourself in a poem. This one needs an editor. Thanks for your comment.