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Dark Day in Bright Cafeteria

My music cannot overcome
the diseased cacophony
of a shaky cafeteria, and today,
the sun is more grand,
more yellow on the milky granite.

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  1. #1 by stillight on August 15, 2013 - 9:48 pm

    I liked this… but found myself wanting to change one word in the piece for some reason; the word ‘and’ to the word ‘but’… for some reason it changes the whole feeling of the piece for me… as though the music could not transform the space ‘but’ the sun can. Nice work, Carl.

    • #2 by Carl on August 15, 2013 - 10:20 pm

      Thank you for your comment, Jennifer. Your perception is sharp. I didn’t realize that was the word, but that ‘and’ was bothering me also, and it is an interesting problem. Maybe it needs a ‘yet’ immediately after the ‘and.’ It was a dinky piece about twisted emotions, but I appreciate your comment. It’s fun to hear these things and think about the parts that make or break or simply confuse. Thanks again for your kind comment. I appreciate it.

  2. #3 by Jamie Dedes on August 19, 2013 - 12:28 pm

    Vivid … and more than a little disconcerting, as I imagine you meant it to be.

    • #4 by Carl on September 2, 2013 - 4:26 pm

      Thank you for the comment, Jamie. I appreciate it.

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