The Reason I Blame the Vodka

In the gruff days before she killed herself,
I told myself she was the preacher’s problem
because that’s what he did; he comforted
the distraught souls, cushioned the despair.

He had all day for visiting, while I worked
all day, while I frittered with numbers for
meager paychecks, to pay the bills and buy
my vodka, so it was his deal, his bag of guilt.

But I kept thinking of it, kept thinking that I
expected too much of the preacher, a man we claim
to be a man of God, for if a man of God couldn’t
save her, how could I, the orphaned infidel?

Yes, but I replayed the days before, all of those
days in my cubicle thinking of when my vodka
would comfort me first, then thinking maybe,
perhaps, if I spent time with her, it would help,
but the vodka never gave me time.


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  1. #1 by ~xtian on June 11, 2013 - 10:37 pm

    You think PRISM is bad? The invention of grain spirits is enough to make a pseudo Nietzschean wee in his y-fronts 😉

  2. #2 by Carl D'Agostino on June 11, 2013 - 10:52 pm

    The vodka encapsulates and makes us unavailable to give love to others and unable to receive the same from those who may care for us.

    • #3 by Carl on June 17, 2013 - 11:31 am

      That does not sound like my kind of solution. Thanks for your comment.

  3. #4 by claudia on June 13, 2013 - 12:46 am

    oh heck…this is a raw write…we so often think there are people that are much more qualified to help than we are…and then we think we do if..if..if.. and it just never happens…doesn’t have to be vodka – can be just everything..

    • #5 by Carl on June 17, 2013 - 11:32 am

      Thank you so much, Claudia. You are right. It can be anything.

  4. #6 by Evelyn on June 14, 2013 - 9:52 pm

    Brilliant. this is one for your book…
    I think the last stanza could be stronger, but the rest of the stanzas are glaringly perfect.

    • #7 by Carl on June 17, 2013 - 11:48 am

      Thank you. I will work on this one.

  5. #8 by clinock on June 26, 2013 - 1:13 am

    Ah, how we love our guilt – what if and what if – gritty words Carl – food (drink) for thought….

    • #9 by Carl on June 28, 2013 - 6:40 am

      Thank you for the comment, John.

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