choosing where my mind aims
losing light

“Too fucked up to care anymore.”

finding tedium of scales
coming back to art
speaking death but unification

being told I’m worthless and buried
in sleep
knowing instead, I’m diseased
Broken
Shattered
Irreparable
maybe wishing
Not asleep

coming back to music
why don’t you choose happy music
why not music that pampers
my soul has too many bandages

looking inward builds more disease
but outward tinkles with no substance

choosing targets
obligated to fabricate smiles
fake they all are
False

why do we forgive the pretensions
we drive through repetitive forests
powerful boats full of empty bowls
antiques stained with dried oatmeal
chips of personality

Torn
by two poles
life having constructed the magnificent gift
perpetual pain is unendurable when awake
my mind lies to me
I can’t force it to wipe away
all of the evil
all of the dirty germs

.