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The Mind’s Empty Darkness

Compelled by absence
from my pen
the poison of a slated trap
of an iPad keyboard,

Shitty one word thoughts,
I read, I stop reading,
I read, I tell others
to read.

I want to learn, become real,
but the grease of a refinery
broken down by deadly fog
has stilled my mind
so I am fearful of the empty notebook.

I order myself to write
an essay on the deleterious
squeeze of a persistent depression,

but I cave to a fear of narcissistic
rage, so how can I help? I hold
out my hand and I should cure

the mud from millions of horses
in a wet November Ohio valley.
I should sweep away the bags
of compost from the surface

of my almost-human construction,
and after all, I need to go read,
to go learn
before I ever write again,

and pray that death will
not stop my project, that
someday I might write.

.

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  1. #1 by Carl D'Agostino on December 25, 2012 - 6:39 pm

    Because I could not stop for death, He kindly stopped for me; The carriage held but just ourselves and immortality.
    Emily Dickinson

    Your last stanza brought this to mind immediately

    • #2 by Carl on December 29, 2012 - 10:29 am

      Oh, my, oh my! Emily new how to stick it!

  2. #3 by Jennifer on December 26, 2012 - 7:29 am

    Nice, natural rhythm.

    My fav lines:

    I hold
    out my hand and I should cure

    the mud from millions of horses
    in a wet November Ohio valley.

    Great image!

    • #4 by Carl on December 29, 2012 - 10:30 am

      Thank you for your comment, Jennifer. I appreciate it!

  3. #5 by clinock on December 27, 2012 - 11:28 pm

    And yet Carl, and yet, despite what you say, you write – have done, do and will, and your words move and touch hearts…

    • #6 by Carl on December 29, 2012 - 10:32 am

      Your words are comforting. I think we need to try and not think too much about it and just do it.

      • #7 by clinock on December 30, 2012 - 4:13 am

        The intellect can be a frustrating obstacle sometimes – if we create from the heart, the intuitive process usually sees us through – the intellect can be used later to address the minor issues…

        • #8 by Carl on January 8, 2013 - 9:06 pm

          Right on, John! The emotions and the heart must drive the mind rather than the reverse. Thank you for your comment.

  4. #9 by Hawkruh on December 29, 2012 - 8:42 pm

    It seems you are on the verge of some sort of change, Carl. Change is happening. Is it good? It is definitely present in your writing.

    • #10 by Carl on January 8, 2013 - 9:02 pm

      Thank you so much for your comment. Most change seems to be good if we’re doing our best.

  5. #11 by Robyn Lee on January 3, 2013 - 11:04 pm

    You write so well Carl ~ let nothing stop you — just do what you are compelled to do…. without too much analysis or thought – so agree !! Warm wishes my friend ~ Robyn

    • #12 by Carl on January 8, 2013 - 9:12 pm

      Robyn, thank you so much for your visit and your kind comment.

  6. #14 by janehewey on January 16, 2013 - 2:39 pm

    Your third stanza really grabs me. Your authentic flow is what real poetry is made of. Read, of course, but please do keep writing.

    • #15 by Carl on January 24, 2013 - 8:47 pm

      Thank you for reading and commenting, Jane. I appreciate it.

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