Delicious brownie thing with chocolate mousse
and the richest damn frosting, sticking gallantly,
and smoothly lunging in, I feel that joyous murmur
welling up, not gurgling, saying, “mmm, soooo good.”
I’m in Hell.
Sitting in a room full of people,
alone and by myself,
hoping I did not praise the dessert aloud,
and I think I wish that people would think of me
like a chocolate dessert, like I think of this dessert
because that is how I think of many people,
especially when my depression isn’t choking
all of my spirit, but I am alone because not one
of hundreds would choose to be around me,
making me even more tortuous than I normally would be.
God, please make me a sweet dessert, and let people
see through all of the detritus of a ruined soul
with a broken spirit who sits alone thinking
he surely doesn’t deserve another desert.
And I go somewhere where the others don’t go
so that it won’t look like I am an intolerable
human being, but my self-hate is rich.
If one could get through, there is marvelous joy,
but I sit here and cry at my horrible odds.
#1 by silkeberens on April 13, 2012 - 1:43 am
love the line ‘please make me a sweet dessert’ . I feel you through the detritus. Ever tried painting? Paint can be like chocolate only healthier in the long run 😉
#2 by Carl on April 18, 2012 - 9:55 pm
Thank you so much for your comment! It means a lot to me. I love to paint and love to sketch, but I have no clue about what I might be doing. I am like a child with visual arts.
#3 by Carl D'Agostino on April 13, 2012 - 6:05 am
I have had to learn that most of the universe is not thinking about me one bit and most of it is not even aware of my presence. Most people are too consumed with their own mess to give anyone but intimates a mere passing thought. I must learn to develop self concept independent of what others think or do not think of me. Ultimately I have little control over such but on the other hand I can also design who I am and how I am perceived with the latter relevant to intimates only.
#4 by Carl on April 18, 2012 - 9:52 pm
Carl, I don’t care what you think of me; I love you!
#5 by siubhan on April 18, 2012 - 9:53 am
stylistically, i like the abrupt contrast between the opening lines about the dessert, and “I’m in Hell.” it grabs the attention.
carl, everyone seems sweet to someone, even if one hasn’t yet met them…
#6 by Carl on April 18, 2012 - 9:56 pm
Thank you for your kind words. Playing with contrast is a wonderful activity with poetry – I should focus more on that.