The morning shadows have a new shape, and the cacophony of the birds has started again. Foreshadows of hope, it’s on the way, and I refuse to stop, to ask why because I know this little buzz, this hope-thing being on the way is a silly artifice made of tissues.
The winter sun has frightened me for so many countless months, causing guilty pleasure and pride with the trinkets from my endurance, still wondering what kind of animal I might be. Not all of the people see the monsters in the shadows, crawling longingly on the bright winter days. The monsters are ghosts, or spirits, and they’re not interested in being seen as they are far too busy singeing the raw nerves of the fragile psyches (ones such as mine), which make us little, gangly, spider-like animals too timid to go out, lest we be smashed by the semi-trailer which has been dislodged and has flown perfectly to land centered on our little plastic cars.
But today, I’ll drive slowly in the little residential neighborhoods, not for fear of being trashed by the trailer but for fear of smashing any heavy wall, smoothly and head-on. My car window is down by about 2 inches and confidence in my spirit grows with the crisply testy, cool breeze. I will feel comfortable for I will be familiar with almost all of the people, and some of them are as nice as a human can be. I need my meeting, my medicine.
It’s this backdrop that causes surprise upon reflection. What is it buried so deeply that made me break down in complete despair, sobbing like an uncontrollable fruit fly?
stillfugue 
#1 by Carl D'Agostino on March 6, 2012 - 5:40 pm
“I’ll drive slowly……. and confidence in my spirit grows” – yes, this is how it’s done. “… need my meeting, my medicine.” They know here and understand as you provide strength for each other. You are beginning to win the battle against “it” and therefore a bit of renewed confidence is not to be dismissed as a passing matter.
#2 by Carl on March 6, 2012 - 6:47 pm
Yes, any confidence is good, even that brought on by the false cycles of the seasons.
#3 by Hudson Howl on March 6, 2012 - 9:19 pm
How do you know what is minor and what is being subversive. I guess am thinking of how we don’t realize how the lack of sunshine effects our bodies and minds. I started going to a tanning place the other day to prepare for a an impending trip. It is incredible how euphoric I felt for the rest of the day and into the next. I wonder if that feeling ‘of goodness’ is a good thing? At least I know the cause and the effect.
#4 by Hudson Howl on March 6, 2012 - 9:25 pm
I also should have mentioned….I liked this very much. Glad you take victory in the battle against ‘it’.
#5 by Carl on March 6, 2012 - 10:18 pm
Thank you very much. We might not win the war right away but winning a few skirmishes grants pleasure.
#6 by Carl on March 6, 2012 - 10:17 pm
If something is good and it makes us feel better, how could it be minor? Excellent thought and I will stew on it for a while. Thank you for commenting.
#7 by Seabell on March 7, 2012 - 5:38 pm
I agree with the previous comment about the effect of sun in our mood. I am glad that you are having sunny days, Carl. I also liked particularly one of your last poems, not so sunny but still good.
#8 by Carl on March 13, 2012 - 6:16 am
I appreciate your comment and thank you for reading.
#9 by Evelyn on March 12, 2012 - 7:56 pm
“My car window is down by about 2 inches and confidence in my spirit grows with the crisply testy, cool breeze. ”
love crisply testy…what a delightful combination.
“I need my meeting, my medicine.”
I love meetings, for all whom they have saved. Im happy its medicine that helps.
“sobbing like an uncontrollable fruit fly”
the worlds smallest sob 😦
#10 by Carl on March 13, 2012 - 6:18 am
Tank you for reading, and I appreciate your kind words. I write about sobs but don’t want to be a SOB.
#11 by siubhan on March 16, 2012 - 10:11 pm
i was also struck by that “sobbing like an uncontrollable fruit fly,” which got me thinking whether fruit flies do actually sob? do they have tear ducts? to they get heartbroken? hmm, hmm.
here’s to sunny days, yes? 🙂