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That Which Damaged Fragile Stability at Lunch Today

I just want a sub sandwich,
but it happens on each visit.
I get intimidated.

The shop has a bunch of hipsters,
really, more like pure hippies,
but they act as if they are hip to everything,
and you or I, we are pond scum.

They have full beards, and they look down at you from 5’2” or from 6’4”.
The fear doesn’t paralyze me, but I feel so lowly.
You piece of shit,
why do you deserve one of our sandwiches
is what I feel they ask me,
but that’s not what they say.

The sandwiches are fabulous;
otherwise, I would never, ever go back, never.

The first time I went there,
I went to the wrong register, and the hippy stared at me,
“What do you want?”
“A sandwich,” I said.
“You’re at the pre-order register.”
“You are rude as fuck,” I wanted to say but
of course, I didn’t say that.
I apologized for being there.

I get so intimidated by these hippies,
I hate myself and I hate myself for hours
for being so hateful toward myself
because some hippy judges me worthless.

I try to be kind and human, but that’s no good.
The sandwiches are so good,
I am sure they hide the good people in the kitchen.
I try to be hip but I’m pond scum.

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  1. #1 by pattisj on November 22, 2011 - 11:42 pm

    Remember, without your money buying their sandwiches, they would be out of a job. To serve you is the reason they are there. You are doing them a favor. They just don’t realize that YOU are really their boss. Too many employees have never had that epiphany, and don’t know a hill of beans about customer service.

    • #2 by Carl on November 24, 2011 - 8:13 pm

      Yes, the dynamics of our society are interesting. Customer service isn’t necessarily a requirement anymore and people almost expect a lack of service or an unfriendly attitude.

  2. #3 by Carl D'Agostino on November 23, 2011 - 12:31 am

    These are wanna be hippies in dress only. We flower children would never be arrogant, rude or belittling to others. Bad karma and incongruent with unity of people and integration with the wholeness of the universe.

    • #4 by Carl on November 24, 2011 - 8:14 pm

      You’re not pure flower child, Carl, but I can’t imagine you being rude, so you’re a pretty good hippy in my book.

  3. #5 by Fountains on November 23, 2011 - 1:12 am

    This is both hilarious and infuriating. 😀

    • #6 by Carl on November 24, 2011 - 8:14 pm

      Thank you for your comment. If we laugh at our frustrations, we reduce them in significance, right?

  4. #7 by Kay Camden on November 23, 2011 - 10:53 am

    “You are rude as fuck” – promise me you’ll say it next time. Beyond awesome.
    And do I have your permission to use that on the next deserving hipster I meet? It’s easy for me to say, I know. Women get away with a lot more. Men have to worry about getting punched.

    • #8 by Carl on November 24, 2011 - 8:22 pm

      Thank you for your comment. Let me know how that phrase works with strangers!

  5. #9 by scribbla on November 23, 2011 - 1:53 pm

    Do they take your money?
    Pity that the sandwiches taste so good, lol.

    • #10 by Carl on November 24, 2011 - 8:23 pm

      Those dudes are stealing from me, aren’t they?

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