NaNo Etude 6 – Essay Time, Ha Ha

Today, all of the goo came pouring down through the top of my head. It became friendly with my throat. These moments when the dust floats off the blinds, the ear buds are blasting my brain, and my brain goes away. Far away. I want to write words that make people feel the way I feel when I hear my favorite music. This is what I want, keep wanting, want more than anything, and if I found it, I’d quit everything else and write, write, write for the rest of my days.

Stupid ass.

Words are limited, intentionally limited. Words aren’t meant to represent the spiritual. They can only point to the spiritual, and if you asked me to point to something spiritual, I would look at you with screwed-up eyebrows.

My hero said that fiction should be about what it’s like to fucking live. I love that inclination, especially for the 21st Century, but I will never be capable of doing what he did. Should I try? I suppose. It gives me a sense of purpose, but that goo tells me that I’m fooling myself. I’ve been fooling myself for decades. I feel as though I can do it, but it won’t come out. It’s stuck in the goo, the green goo of a stupid ass.


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  1. #1 by scribbla on October 7, 2011 - 1:10 am

    I like to think that when you reach a point of writing without writing, creating without creating, feeling without feeling, that is when it all comes together. Usually to get there, I need to do something repetitive to the point of screaming, pushing through the resistance to do it and allowing what lies beyond. For the rest of the 99% of my lifetime, I share your sentiments here.

    • #2 by Carl on October 13, 2011 - 9:19 pm

      What you say here is full of insight. Good art only comes from a place that is separate from your mind. When it comes from your mind, people can tell that it’s not true. My question is how do you “push” without letting your mind take over and wreck the process?

  2. #3 by stillight on October 7, 2011 - 12:13 pm

    I loved the processing within this and all too often can relate – where sometimes I feel like my mind is nothing more then a mass of goo and however will I pull anything from it worthwhile? Then there is that constant nagging and need to create irregardless of the doubts. If the desire is there then I figure – keep doing it – it must be there for a reason. Ever read ‘The War On Art?’ If not, then I highly recommend it for any and all Artists. Write no matter what.

    • #4 by Carl on October 13, 2011 - 9:21 pm

      Thank you for the recommendation. I always love a good book. I appreciate your comment – It means a great deal!

  3. #5 by Kay Camden on October 13, 2011 - 11:23 am

    “I want to write words that make people feel the way I feel when I hear my favorite music.”
    I’ve been thinking about this since the day this post came into my inbox. I don’t think words are intentionally limited, I just think they are. Music is on a different level that transcends language. That’s why it’s music, that’s why we have it. I think it hits a different part of our brains, our humanity. So it’s not a stupid goal, but maybe an impossible one. Trying to reach an impossible goal might be considered stupid, but it also might be considered heroic. Maybe?

    • #6 by Carl on October 13, 2011 - 9:31 pm

      Thank you for your time and comment on this. I think one needs to use inspiration from whatever source in a positive manner and one should trust the outcome, but I rarely trust the outcome if I was involved in creating it.

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