Archive for June 5th, 2011

What If No One Likes It?

I would ask: What if
no one likes it?
I was innocent. Younger,
I Thought the answer:
Not possible.
I take it personally.
I need approval,
and this drives me
to hate
all of the parts
of my constitution.
I hate my need
for approval
more than I hate
all of my other needs.
Without approval,
I suck, and back to the question,
the truth is
no one likes it
all the time. With approval,
I suck but I grab thin threads,
silver slivers of fishing line
gently iced with hope.
I want medicine
to fill my bottomless craving
for approval,
but they don’t make it,
so I suck,
“I suck” rolls around
my tummy
and then
carves up my lungs,
makes my face hurt
with beads,
massive tanks
of poisonous sweat
telling me I don’t belong. I wish
that someone liked it.
I dream that someone
liked me. My dreams
are tired.
Please take my need
for approval far away
where hawks eat mice
in the afternoon sun,
and leave me in the dumpster.
I will love you
from there.

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Adjusting the Schedule 100

Adjust the schedule. I wake up earlier than anyone and still don’t get to work on time. Good air conditioning, Claude. I’m compulsively against mornings, but I hate exercising in the evenings so it has to be the mornings. Should ban myself from the computer, from the books, just get up, walk briskly, meditate, hop in the shower, and then if there is time, go read a bit. Schedule the big shit first and all of the little shit falls in. We are hopelessly overwhelmed with information. In my job for sure, but in my spare time, so big shit first.

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My Day in Six Words XVIII

Terrible, thick-headed.

remonstrations, ruminations.

Convocations concur.


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