One Day Better, One Day Worse

Everything leans blank.
I forget who I am
and feel as though I’m not as bad empty.
When I’ve lost myself, I’m worthier.
Losing myself consciously
might bring on a souped up life,
but who would I be?
Not that it matters who I would be.

My mind inflates with all of my inadequacies,
a trepidation like a dump truck in reverse,
driver with shag without mirrors.
I’m blind, lined out with the reticence of the mirrors.
I’m the mouse getting run over.
My mind is impregnated with my bad shit,
I feel a depletedness.
I am an empty cage
with Tasmanian Devil
spinning off walls
without a brain,
myself without, not the Devil.

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  1. #1 by carldagostino on May 14, 2011 - 8:17 am

    Will have to think about this one for a while

  2. #2 by screen_scribbla on May 14, 2011 - 3:31 pm

    “My mind inflates with all of my inadequacies,” a very descriptive line that stands so strongly on its own.
    Thoughts, about thoughts, about thoughts. And no off switch. Ever tried meditation?

    • #3 by Carl on May 14, 2011 - 7:06 pm

      Oh, yes, meditation is one of the best things I can do for myself. I don’t do it enough. I allow the culture pollute my perspective that I am wasting my time “doing nothing.” Doing nothing is sometimes the best thing I can do for my health. It slows down the trains; it calms the monkeys. Thank you for commenting.

  3. #4 by seabell on May 14, 2011 - 3:48 pm

    I was reading you and asking myself: 1) Do we feel bad because things around us are objectively bad? 2) Or do we feel bad and that makes things look bad too? I like when I read a poem making me wonder…

    • #5 by Carl on May 14, 2011 - 7:09 pm

      Thank you for commenting. Your reflection is very interesting, interesting that it came from this. I believe both good and bad are subjective and rarely are they objectively true – There is no good or bad… I know that when I am deepest in depression, it shades the world heavily and unfortunately, shades my behavior if I am not careful. Sometimes, rationality on the matter does not seem to help.

  4. #6 by booguloo on May 15, 2011 - 12:24 am

    “I don’t know doc… should we up the dose?” “Sure, it couldn’t hurt… much.” I love it when I see pieces that I could have written.. (you don’t know where I live , do you?) heh heh A little humor there.. anyway It makes my day when I see what I could have written being displayed.. smiles..

    • #7 by Carl on May 15, 2011 - 8:27 am

      Ah, you know it. Thanks for commenting

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