The unbearable heat came today.
It was the first of the season.
I sat there with all of the car windows down,
staring up at the roof of the car,
watching the fuzziness,
feeling my face melting,
my brain paralyzed by my rats,
feeling barely conscious,
begging the heat to cleanse me,
to cook me good
like eggs getting spongy when scrambled.
I could not feel anything happen,
but when I focused on the heat,
I hoped it would help me forget,
help me lose the pain of brokenness,
but nothing happened
as I steadfastly refused
the chaos and relief of the air conditioning.
stillfugue 
#1 by carldagostino on May 10, 2011 - 5:30 am
Having been is Miami for 57 of my 62 years and experiencing the sauna of Aug and Sept the consequence of inhabiting hell does not frighten me one bit. Put the AC on and don’t let defiance keep you uncomfortable.
#2 by Carl on May 10, 2011 - 7:43 pm
Thank you for your comment, Carl. I need to see how not being defiant works in my life – That is a brand new idea. 🙂
#3 by screen_scribbla on May 10, 2011 - 5:58 am
Such a fantastic analogy. It has many layers that are equally daunting and fascinating. The last stanza is particularly potent. Great writing!
#4 by Carl on May 10, 2011 - 7:44 pm
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.
#5 by Kay Camden on May 10, 2011 - 8:32 am
You must live in the Midwest. What happened to Spring?
“like eggs getting spongy” is perfect. The AC is a brief reprieve until you have to get out of your car. Is that the reason for refusing it? Because you know you’ll have to step into that heat again, and it’s such a shock after being cooled by the AC. If you don’t turn it on in the first place you’re cooking the whole time and won’t feel the shock.
#6 by Carl on May 10, 2011 - 7:46 pm
Yes, Midwest! The most humid part of the Midwest known to humans – Nearly unsurvivable.
I like the AC on the longer trips, but on the shorter ones, it just starts to get nice and then I have to get out and swim in the swamp again!
#7 by Kay Camden on May 10, 2011 - 9:32 pm
Let me guess: Missouri. No. Arkansas. Everyone thinks Florida is humid, and it is. But they have a breeze there.
#8 by Carl on May 10, 2011 - 9:36 pm
FIrst inclination is spot on…
KC, MO and the KS side
#9 by Kay Camden on May 10, 2011 - 9:51 pm
I feel your pain. I’m in St. Louis.
#10 by pattisj on May 10, 2011 - 11:42 pm
That sounds like such a miserable time. I would have had to try the AC!
#11 by Carl on May 11, 2011 - 11:16 pm
Are we spoiled? Yes, I think the AC is on for the rest of the summer!