I am deranged in a spectacular explosion of mess.
Have you thought deeply about that word, deranged?
It’s not necessarily all bad, is it?
I am deranged.
Despite this, I seem to have survived.
Never sure what part was not survived.
Sometimes, I sit and stare at anything.
I stare at everything and it all means nothing.
I am deranged.
I look all around me at all of the forms,
and I wonder why I’m here.
stillfugue 
#1 by carldagostino on May 3, 2011 - 7:08 am
I look at deranged in two ways: First there is the deranged of madness. Then I see deranged as a form of de-ranged that says a part of us is arranged in a less than optimal fashion in varying degrees. I think all of us have felt not perfectly fit together at times and it is probably true of all of us in varying degrees. Having such insights we can glue and tape and redesign and recraft what we are and wish to be. But to accept it and be immobilized by it is self imposed defeat.
#2 by Carl on May 3, 2011 - 9:44 pm
Yes, accepting defeat is no solution. Action is required.
I break up the word and think about being kicked off the range because you’re not like the rest of the cattle. Sometimes it might not even need fixing…
#3 by Find an Outlet on May 3, 2011 - 11:56 am
The “mad” who are institutionalized or push shopping carts around with their sad belongings may or may not contribute to the world. But the kind of deranged you speak of is also the spark of creativity, genius, compassion. We may not be able to fix that even with duct tape. What do we wish to be? It may be more than just “not deranged,” but sometimes no amount of counseling or self-improvement attempts can fix us.
#4 by Carl on May 3, 2011 - 9:45 pm
That is an eloquent exploration. I am left believing that it is good to accept some of our defects as long as we can use them for good and not allow them to cause bad.
#5 by pattisj on May 3, 2011 - 10:50 pm
I looked it up, found the description “to be disordered.” It made me think of a filing system. All the files are there, but some items may be in the wrong folder.
This scripture comes to mind, “for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:3-5
#6 by Carl on May 4, 2011 - 11:44 pm
I’m steadfastly disordered! 🙂