I Was a Spy

For many cycles, I was a spy.
I spied on myself with great alacrity.
Serious hundreds of moments per day.
Watching myself, wondering who I am.
I watched how nervous I was
over being watched by something,
something I never caught, but I
was watching myself with twitches.
I couldn’t catch myself making myself
twitch and I couldn’t uncover who
it was when it was myself hounding
my self.

Today, I was spying on myself
and I noticed myself watching myself
which meant I was not spying
and I felt free.


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  1. #1 by screen_scribbla on March 17, 2011 - 4:07 pm

    Ah-so. Like a zen koan. But if you caught yourself spying on yourself, who caught you spying on yourself?

    • #2 by Carl on March 17, 2011 - 9:45 pm

      Truly bizarre. I think unlike a koan which might not be rational but is intuitive, this became starkly true to me as I was walking in a Wal-Mart parking lot.

  2. #3 by Evelyn on March 17, 2011 - 7:26 pm

    I dont even know what to say.
    This is so heart felt.

    • #4 by Carl on March 17, 2011 - 10:01 pm

      Oh, thank you so much! I don’t understand it anymore but it was nice when I was writing it.

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