I don’t think I can Live.
I don’t know what that means.
My day went away.
there was a blistering
charcoal light to my world.
Snow was still falling.
I felt ready,
but everything was off.
I don’t think I can live.
I don’t know what that means.
I hear people say I’m stupid,
I’m crazy, I’m mean.
This, not what they say
but what they intend.
I do as you say
and look in the mirror
and say, “Carl, old boy,
you are a good man and
you are doing your best.”
But my face melts
and my eyes see
in my own eyes
and see the evil of a liar.
I should do my best
to go away.
I don’t think I can live
but I showed up to work.
**************************************
I am submitting this for One Shot Wednesday. Check out all of the great work that gets listed out there. Sometimes, living in modern times provides us with such wondrous treats such as immediate electronic access to people who are beautifully creative beings.
It would be most appropriate to write about Japan right now, but I am afraid I would not do well with that. Carry on.
stillfugue 
#1 by Evelyn on March 15, 2011 - 6:51 am
“I don’t think I can live.
I don’t know what that means.”
this could mean SO many things…
I dont think I can live as a woman
I dont think I can live as a dog
I dont think I can live underwater
I dont think I can live in a beehive
I dont think I can live on fruit roll-ups
I dont think I can live without blue shirts
I dont think I can live on Mars
I dont think I can live without music
just sayin’
#2 by Carl on March 15, 2011 - 7:12 am
You are right. Maybe it means the speaker is not doing it right at the present moment.
#3 by Evelyn on March 15, 2011 - 12:54 pm
Or maybe the speaker is realizing something and being honest with themselves about something this isnt a right fit. and if what they thought was right, but it isnt, what does that mean?
you know?
this is a very thought provoking poem.
but of course since you are the MAN.
#4 by Carl on March 15, 2011 - 9:56 pm
AH, you have it right. I love it if I provoked your thought! 🙂 I’m NOT the speaker. 🙂
#5 by Evelyn on March 16, 2011 - 12:14 pm
I know, when I said you were the MAN, I meant like you are the shit, the man to beat, the MAN.
you dig?
#6 by Carl on March 17, 2011 - 12:06 am
HAHA! Great coincidence! Last time I checked into the hospital, they said, “Carl, man, you are the SHIT!”
#7 by Evelyn on March 17, 2011 - 7:29 pm
see? the whole world knows.
#8 by kolembo on March 15, 2011 - 7:05 am
Deeply insular, a great read write in time for me. Expresses what my weekend’s been like, and I feel good reading it, oddly enough!
…I don’t think I can Live…
I don’t know what that means….
hauntingly melodic all the way through,…
…but i showed up to work. Beautiful. Still.
#9 by Carl on March 16, 2011 - 7:18 am
Thank you so much, K! I appreciate your comment!
#10 by seabell on March 15, 2011 - 8:50 am
This is what I think: 1) A Portuguese poet wrote in a sonnet that poets are good liars… I try to remember his words when I read other poets. 2) I believe poets experience extreme feelings, but at some point they have to learn to be thankful to them since they able us to write the best lines ever. 3) Either 1 or 2, what you have here is a great poem, deep and well put together.
#11 by Carl on March 15, 2011 - 9:57 pm
Thank you so much for your kind comment!
#12 by Kathe W. on March 15, 2011 - 9:59 am
A lot of angst in this poem- and I think Evelyn has a good point-
perhaps I can”t live without art, or poetry or music…..or communicating with fellow poets.
#13 by Carl on March 15, 2011 - 9:57 pm
Oh, don’t steal the music!!! Thanks for your comment, Kathe!
#14 by screen_scribbla on March 15, 2011 - 4:18 pm
“I don’t think I can Live.
I don’t know what that means.”
I’m a man. I understand what you’re saying. After all, who taught us to do it anyway? Someone who was really living? I was taught by this person, “I don’t think I can live.
but I showed up to work.”
I’m still not impressed.
#15 by Carl on March 15, 2011 - 9:59 pm
Thank you for your comment. You had me thinking through personal history. Some days, if all I do is show up, I am extremely impressed with myself! 🙂 I understand you meant not impressed with that life…
#16 by Deborah @ThirtyCreative on March 15, 2011 - 7:52 pm
I should do my best
to go away,
to disappear
between the shadows.
I should do my best
to go away,
to drown
within my sorrows.
Your poem is full of energy and inspiration. It transmits the character’s sadness.
#17 by Carl on March 15, 2011 - 10:04 pm
Thank you for your comment, Deborah!
#18 by brian on March 15, 2011 - 8:05 pm
somedays just getting out among the people provides us enough to keep going…and no you are not crazy…you are human…
#19 by Carl on March 15, 2011 - 10:04 pm
Thank you for commenting, Brian. I appreciate it. It’s nice to have your reassurance! 🙂
#20 by y on March 15, 2011 - 9:41 pm
i love “there was a blistering / charcoal light to my world.” how stunning.
#21 by Carl on March 15, 2011 - 9:54 pm
Thank you! You are so nice to comment.
#22 by Eric on March 16, 2011 - 6:52 am
You know they can’t run that place without you, Carl! (Nice piece!)
#23 by Carl on March 16, 2011 - 7:21 am
Ha! I mistakenly thought that at my last job until they said, you know, we don’t need you!
It’d be nice to win the lottery so I could see if they would miss me!
Thanks, Eric!
#24 by ~Sarah~ on March 16, 2011 - 9:54 am
My own reading and interpretation of this- wow. When life is too hard, the thing that always surprises me is that I can put on that armor and go to work and be seen as though nothing has changed.
#25 by Carl on March 17, 2011 - 12:03 am
Thank you for your comment, Sarah!
#26 by Shashi on March 16, 2011 - 12:33 pm
I should do my best to go away.. lovely and powerful verse.. I enjoyed reading… thanks for sharing..
ॐ शांति ॐ
Om Shanti Om
May peace be… pray for People of Japan
________
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/whispers-love-and-insignificance.html
Connect me at Twitter @VerseEveryDay
#27 by Carl on March 17, 2011 - 12:06 am
Thank you so much for your comment!
#28 by dustus on March 16, 2011 - 3:42 pm
“there was a blistering
charcoal light to my world.”
Lots of feeling in your poem; even down to varied temperature through the lines. Can relate to this one. At at the end of all the self-talk and the opinions of others, you do the best you can. Also appreciate when the speaker sees through a disintegration of self.
#29 by Carl on March 17, 2011 - 12:08 am
Thank you, Adam! You are very kind. I appreciate your comment.
#30 by Mark Kerstetter on March 17, 2011 - 4:25 pm
“I can’t go on I’ll go on” -Beckett
I don’t know if this is a voice you’ve created or a feeling you have had, but it’s familiar to me, except rather than my face melting I’ve experienced it as the opposite: my face as a dry husk, concealing the magma underneath. Anyway, I like the straight-ahead, almost dead-pan voice next to the raw emotion in this poem.
#31 by Carl on March 17, 2011 - 9:48 pm
Mark,
Thanks for the comment. This is something I live, and I also understand the idea of concealing the magma underneath. The writing is therapeutic which may seem counter intuitive.
#32 by Carl on March 17, 2011 - 9:59 pm
Also, Mark, I enjoyed my visit to your blog – I will be back often. Thanks for stopping here.