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Archive for March 5th, 2011

Wanting My Dead Heroine

Millions of strands, perfect shape, coffee-brown, curls for play,
ecstatically-sharp passion with big eyes which were calm but so powerful.
Her power pulls all of me like fur from huskies into a vacuum.

She loved Respighi, louder than all the other sounds. I love loud.
She wrote to music. I would have shivered and written with her.
We would have moved our hearts to the music and locked eyes.
Pines of Rome. She of the Pines would have been my lover.
I would have licked every part of her. I wear droplets
as I air-conduct the Pines with perfect knowledge, institutionalized spirits.
I want to mix batches of Roma with her, making her shake tight curls,
watch her eyes as she smoothly places both palms on my cheeks
with these tasty fingers that meander in the most affluent way.
Tough fingers that know all there is.

She loved Neruda. She was marvelous with surreal etchings.
Surreal is what I hunt for, even when my dark, wet, wool blanket
has me stuck in bundles on floors who don’t care for me
and sneak stabs of shark teeth into my tough fat when I finally sleep.
She would have hung from the fan and sprinkled poems on me,
blowing kisses and shaking her tight curls, laughing mouth open.

Women of letters suck me in with habits that make them sick like me.
I love sick women. Women who are recovering or who tried to recover,
who are all about writing, painting are the ones that drive the sexual attractions
that are deep in my soul, unmovable and unstoppable, always-moving trains.
She killed herself and I know I would have saved her, resuscitated her sharp eyes.
Only those who want the same can care and communicate, right? I would have saved her
for me. She would have written poems for me – Deep, hard poems. Surreal.
She would have held me and blown in my ears while I read.
Why is language so sexual? Music is a torch to my gas.
Women who love art, they are my chocolate mousse.
They charge me back to breathing air that keeps me moving and dreaming.
I wish she were next to me now. I would stay on earth for her.
When I die, can I go where she is? I will search forever.

 

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