Archive for March 3rd, 2011
Do you know the sounds of a person
banging on a coffin to escape?
I want to be dead.
Being trapped alive
is worse than complete despair.
There shall be no foreshadow.
You stand there in all of your grand jubilation.
You think your soul is being repaired, is well.
These bands with their anthems help your spirit,
but you are entirely flimsy to allow such things
to make you feel that the world is in good stead.
This music does nothing to destroy all of the bad.
It distracts your mind, makes you ignore
all of the local sickness, all of the worldly disease.
The music is a fake world. Why do you think
you have a right to hide in a fake world?
Is that all you do? Soothe your soul?
Why can’t you battle your fears and get out
with your peoples and be a fixer?
You are so sheltered from the toasted, south wind.
We hope you survive in your cave, with your MP3’s.
I was in a hot fast food restaurant
with a terrible line, curling
all around the grimy tan floor.
Ugly scene with shit all over,
chairs strewn like napkins,
baby carriages poking ankles,
hands with smart phones booming
Pooh Bear in pulses.
Employees were working furiously,
working far too hard.
One employee was spiritually enlightened.
I could see this and I could feel it from afar.
No matter what happened on the outside,
he loved every single, ugly customer.
His smile never left.
It was not false.
I did not want to wait in such a line,
thought about protesting to those
for whom I was running,
but told myself to wait, to serve the cause
of the love of my masters.
I try to resist all that the world offers.
My mind tells me everything is wrong.
My mind sits there blobby as clay, being sick.
All in the wicked line
seemed to be greedy minions of the Devil,
(I was nearly run over in the parking lot.)
but this was I, my allergy to people,
my fear of not being good enough,
Fear that I am the victim, the center of sick chaos.
My fear is gross and creates my lasting disgust.
After moments of time, people in line
started to appear as if
they were at least similar to me,
trying to do their best,
and I could not possibly dislike
the fouled up mess
I smiled for a long time, cheeks hurting,
wondering how my resistance disappeared,
but the line was fast and I was out in minutes,
hoping I brought the power with me.