How bad is it, one to ten?
Eyes move against a shovel.
Forehead says eight, but social modes
Force a dive, as mice swim in
Poisonous water, bring violet cats.
Scratching, racing, proper response
Starts leaking slowly and firmly
It’s about a two, but underneath.
Underneath, it is millions.
Why did you ask? You care.
Thank you for your love.
Share me with the cats.
Let them take my eyes, my head.
Throw me into the world
Where this sun sparks an indomitable
Spirit, a fire hose against the rats
Planning their next arson.
These white, sun-splattered buildings
Might kill me, but the depression,
Its’ a two, I’m a two.
You say I’m recovered, but
Let the buildings crush me.
Ask another day, a day in a
Different future, a slice of my future,
Far away in your future.
I’ve submitted this piece for the Sunday Poetry Potluck. It is not really on theme, but the use of numbers for telling people how we are is incredibly silly but it is sometimes all we have – It is a symbol for what is real.
stillfugue 
#1 by azfree on January 15, 2011 - 9:59 am
Poison the rats … it still doesn’t seem to stop the rat race. Really like this line: “Throw me into the world / Where this sun sparks an indomitable /Spirit.” Sometimes I want to turn the sun down a notch, so I don’t get lost in the shadows. Nice work!
#2 by Carl on January 15, 2011 - 9:50 pm
Thank you for your comment! I love the feel of turning the sun down a notch!
#3 by Marian on January 15, 2011 - 10:55 am
carl, i read this as where are you on the pain scale, 1 to 10. maybe there is a depression scale as well, to be asked about and rate oneself on. hopeful, i think. “thank you for the love, share me with the cats.”
#4 by Carl on January 15, 2011 - 9:57 pm
Marian,
Thank you for your comment…Yes, depression scale, which is mandatory as you approach the unscientific testing of medicines. I love your reading of it. Hopeful is good, and I am interested in how people might interpret these. I was in a place where one enjoys the time with a loved one, and wants to tell that loved one that the time is removing the depression, but there is a contrary reality underneath that hopefully will not be present in some distant future…Nothing is wrong when we put these out there, right? Sometimes, we learn that we were wrong about ourselves! That is an odd experience to have when others read your writing
#5 by Marian on January 15, 2011 - 10:26 pm
right, i do get that. but i want to see that you are, in the present, hopeful. if you say it to your loved one, even if it is hopeful more than real, maybe that helps. is what i want to think, reading this.
#6 by Carl on January 15, 2011 - 10:50 pm
Yes, yes, yes, I understand! There would be far worse ways to be in the present, and I know I have been worse in the present. Hopeful is right.
#7 by Evelyn on January 15, 2011 - 10:37 pm
” but the depression,
Its’ a two, I’m a two.
You say I’m recovered, but
Let the buildings crush me.
Ask another day, a day in a
Different future ”
It doesnt help to know if you wait till another day, you wont feel as sad, or as willling to be crushed by buildings.
another good poem Carl.
#8 by Carl on January 15, 2011 - 11:18 pm
Thank you so much, Evelyn!
#9 by Life: Between the lines on January 16, 2011 - 7:27 pm
It feels like a waiting game…others think you are at one point but inside you feel you are sinking. I am not sure that is where you were taking it but that is what I read.
You are making us think and challenging us again I see 🙂
Cool!
#10 by Carl on January 16, 2011 - 9:17 pm
I love seeing different readings – Just love it! It’s how I learn, and I am grateful that people share.
#11 by fiveloaf on January 17, 2011 - 1:20 am
nice.. thank you for sharing! here’s my potluck.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/06/19/my-whole-world/
#12 by Carl on January 17, 2011 - 8:00 pm
Thank you, fiveloaf – I enjoyed yours!
#13 by Jingle on January 17, 2011 - 8:30 am
you got style.
very well done piece.
A++
#14 by Carl on January 17, 2011 - 8:00 pm
Thank you, Jingle! I appreciate it!
#15 by cloakedmonk on January 17, 2011 - 8:55 am
I had to look up what the number 2 stands for: “Two is ruled by the Moon and the astrological aspect of the opposition, which means this number is very co-operative, emotive, and has a great deal of feeling. This number is associated with relationships in general.” (Wikipedia). This seems to be a thread all through your poem. So if intentional, good job! If not intentional, cool!
Shalom.
#16 by Carl on January 17, 2011 - 8:02 pm
I wish it were intentional, but maybe it is better that it was not. I appreciate your point as it adds flavor!
#17 by Carl on January 17, 2011 - 8:02 pm
I wish it were intentional, but maybe it is better that it was not. I appreciate your point as it adds flavor!
#18 by hedgewitch on January 17, 2011 - 12:29 pm
A dive below the superficial and into some serious stuff, wrapped in extremely well-chosen language to get the reader involved in the process. I particularly like the violet cats, their charm becoming savage…a poem worth several re-readings.
#19 by Carl on January 17, 2011 - 8:04 pm
Thank you so much for your comment! It means the world to me!
#20 by dan on January 18, 2011 - 3:17 pm
Share me with the cats…a slice of the future…You have many memorable phrases. Thought provoking and well written.
#21 by Carl on January 18, 2011 - 11:01 pm
Thank you, Dan. I appreciate your comment.