I finished posts of a poem and a short story last night, and I had a sudden and distinct feeling that I am wasting precious time in my life.  When I am in the middle of the creative process, I love it.  I’m sure others relate to this.  I get this exhilaration that seems greater than any other high imaginable.  My mind churns, but it is not the normal psychotic, spin-the-wheels, 19-trains-are-arriving-at-the-same-time-from-different-directions type of churning.  It is focused.  It is always new.  I love it.  There is this part in me that says, YES, THIS IS IT!  I never know when this will happen so I carry around a little journal for notes and hope no one reads any of it because it has some wacky stuff.

The bad part happens when I put it out on the blog.  Suddenly, my view of the content almost reverses.  I feel as though it sucks too bad for me to be able to handle it.  I think this is a problem with self-esteem, but it also seems Read the rest of this entry »