Archive for December 23rd, 2010
My winning streaks are quite short.
All who know me see the next failure,
But they blow circuits when I lose.
Expectation of my failures should
Flow smoothly through their minds.
I expect to lose and to be wrong.
Crashing hard, regularly, this is I.
But when those circuits smolder,
I am always shocked by the
determined anger of those I love.
I want to scream,
I cannot do better
at trying so hard
to be good.
But they see a loser pandering to failure.
She turns back, she waves goodness,
In the hall or back from her desk.
Her laugh pulls me into soft pillows.
I feel the magic softness move my soul.
At first, she did not want to know me.
Now she turns, she always turns.
It’s graceful and fluttery and I would
Love to hold her and gently move my hands.
Perhaps a feeble attempt, lacking the mind-bending and certainly not steamy, but I am enjoying celebration of the anniversary of Thinking Too Hard. All of her posts inspire, but today we help her celebrate!
The coffee tangles with the mouth and snarls,
But we say it is our safe place.
I know most people when I come in,
And that eases my breathing.
Acceptance is strong on the surface,
But don’t dig too deep.
When I am at our Club, I hear it the most,
This must be a safe place.
We have crazy, crazy members who think sickly,
But we work our best for a safe place.
Sometimes I let the meme get me and move me,
And I bleed out emotions, only to hate myself later.
Humans judge you harshly at our Club, like others,
Though they are told not to, to clean their own house.
Their eyes rip you and steal your heart, smack you,
And those are the nice ones.
If you cry, they will rummage around in your skull,
And they tell you to pray harder.
Our Club is where you should go
If you want to see young people die.
There is nothing safe about our Club,
But shelved next to the madness in the streets,
Our Club is a safe place.
Really, no place is safe.
I hide in bed with fear.