Two bread sticks, one still going down

The commercials started

Guilt trips nearly killed me off.

The sea of thick red drowning me.

THIS Christmas, get her something she’ll love.

They all say THIS Christmas

as if they know you’ve failed

On every other Christmas.

Tom Shane says you can spend

$15 thousand on a tennis bracelet,

he claims it is only then

she’ll really be glad she married you.

Bread sticks almost come up.

They remain stuck.

There is a grinding blender

spreading my guts.

THIS Christmas.

Come to Home Depot.

20% off HIS FAVORITE TOOLS.

How could you go wrong?

(We have more tools than we could use.)

These jingles and promises of

THIS Christmas continued for eternity.

I could not lift to change the channel.

Christmas has finally pummeled me.