stillfugue

Mr. Carl, This is Marantha Jenelle, from here on wordpress. I must say that I agree full heartedly with the opinions of the others who commented…you are being very brave in stepping forward and speaking out about your illness.

You see, I myself suffer bi-polar/schizo-effective disorder, adhd and severe agoraphobia. So you might say I am somewhat familiar with the paths that depression can drag you down, leaving you emotionally and mentally bruised, bloodied and exhausted.

I have been posting about dealing with living enhanced on my blog http://werepeople2.wordpress.com/, which, although it focuses mainly on the bi-polar aspect, still offers what could be some help to those suffering any kind of emotional illness. And no, I am not a phychiatrist, a doctor, or anything like that, I write from the viewpoint of a sufferer.

And I must tell you this, your therapist is right about one thing, you need to follow your heart when it comes to “hearing your inner muse” and set aside predefined expectations of others, for only in allowing your heart and soul to have free reign can you truly find at least a small amount of peace within yourself. Again spoken from experience, for I use all of my talents in art and writing as coping skills to help me get through the bad days and to stay calm. And writing is one of the best coping skills there is, next to any form of art. For in writing, you set free a lot more than you would think when you go back and read what you have written.

For instance, have you ever noticed how YOUR emotional state…what you may be feeling or going through…more often than not will affect the type of characters, situations, and even emotions that the characters are experiencing, or in the case of poetry, if your mood is depressed or dark, that is what your poetry will be, and the same applies if you are in a more positive mood.

The following two paragraphs really reached out and grabbed me, for it was almost as if you had taken the words and feelings right out of my own mind and heart…which, I must admit, is a rather unsettling feeling to get from reading the words of someone I have never met and who has never met, therefore does not know, me.

[Last fall, I decided to start writing poetry and fiction again, and it has been a fantastic release for me. It is wonderful to get much of the emotions and perspectives on paper, but even more rewarding is when people comment that they have been able to identify with some of the writing.

About ten years ago, I got in to blogging on the topics of politics, music, and motorsports. I was mostly in it to try to be part of the communities and talk about what people were talking about. In sobriety, I’m much less opinionated so I dropped that blog about six years ago. When I decided to get back into my creative side, I decided I would create whatever I felt like and that ends up being poetry and fiction, both of a modern type that many might not like so much. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, but my therapist tells me that I don’t have to win a Pulitzer and I can write all of the bad poetry I want as long as the experience is right for me. That permissive environment has allowed me to have great fun, but I still want to write the best that I can within whatever limitations I have.]

You mention that when you allowed your inner creativity to “step off of the edge of the cliff, spread it’s wings and fly”, so to speak, that you felt better. Well, that is precisely how I feel. And when you said that you may not write in a style that is “acceptable” to others, I tell you this in truth, do not even try, for the old adage “you can please some of the people some of the time, but you will never please all of the people all of the time” is especially true when it comes to “the arts”, such as art itself, or writing. Do not write to please others, rather do so to feed a need within your own soul.

I myself am finding that my own writing is apparently not that palatable to most, for though I seem to have readers, thusfar not many have been moved enough to comment, which, to me, does not auger well for any of the books that I am working on. But I refuse to give up.

Please, sir, take heart, keep writing, for you do it very well. And if you get the chance, mayhaps you might find some time to check out that link that I gave you to my blogs on living enhanced in a non-enhanced world.

I wish you many blessings and loads of luck in all your endeavors,

marantha jenelle

If you should desire to contact me directly, you may do so to words2ponder@gmail.com