Coming Back from the Cave Where the Big Bears Have Surrendered (for today, at least)

There are these short stints 
in my life when I feel rather okay. 

These are not at all common. 
When they come, I am a satisfied 
pig watching with a flat 
temperament the chaos that raises 
my boat. The water rises so high, 
the landmarks disappear 

but my fear remains repressed, for I 
have cases of Hershey’s Almond 
Chocolate bars, 36 in each case, and I feel 
myself spectating at the odd 
feeling of not being disappointed 
in myself for eating a whole case 
at a time, more often than not.

My last short stint started
last Wednesday, but now, it’s terrible,
my boat is sinking and I’ve stopped
eating the chocolate. No matter.
You cannot make me fearful,
for I am writing.

There are these long stints
in my life when the darkness

permeates everything. The last one
ended last Wednesday, but it lasted
so long, nine weeks, and there were
two days when I was reaching down,
clutching my hair in desperation, 
but calmly embracing suicide’s horns.

The last long stint was overwhelming
and stifling because I felt as though
I couldn’t write a word. Writing is a vent
and I want it back soon.

.

, , , ,

  1. #1 by Kay Camden on June 9, 2014 - 3:19 pm

    Suicide’s horns? Jeez, Carl, if that’s not a powerful line I don’t know what is.
    Glad to see you back.

    • #2 by Carl on June 9, 2014 - 6:06 pm

      Thank you, Kay! I’m grateful to have your comment!

  2. #3 by blueangelwolf on June 9, 2014 - 3:22 pm

    Glad to see you back. :-)

    • #4 by Carl on June 9, 2014 - 6:07 pm

      Thank you! This is a kind world here!

  3. #5 by Hawkruh on June 9, 2014 - 4:25 pm

    😊

    • #6 by Carl on June 9, 2014 - 6:07 pm

      Ah, thank you!

  4. #7 by Michele Seminara on June 9, 2014 - 4:52 pm

    Let go of those horns and grab that pen Carl! It’s good to read your poems again. :-)

    • #8 by Carl on June 9, 2014 - 6:08 pm

      Thank you, Michele! You are very kind and I appreciate it!

  5. #9 by Imke Rust on June 10, 2014 - 2:31 am

    Wow, your words have struck me so deep with their familiarity…
    I am happy that you are back and writing, Carl, bringing your experience to the surface, hopefully a step closer to overcoming, to finally finding a shore or a trustworthy boat to carry you through the rough seas.

    • #10 by Carl on June 10, 2014 - 6:15 am

      I’m grateful for your kind words, Imke! Thank you for your comment!

  6. #11 by stillight on June 10, 2014 - 6:19 am

    I always say writing, especially poetry, is my therapy. I was wondering where you’ve been, and as always, it’s good to hear your words again, Carl. “)

  7. #12 by Millie Ho on June 10, 2014 - 6:21 am

    Writing is a vent indeed. Welcome back, Carl!

  8. #13 by Carl D'Agostino on June 11, 2014 - 3:11 pm

    Yes, I was wondering about you. I cannot log in to sixthsymph. The password she gave doesn’t work and personal email not connect either.

  9. #14 by clinock on June 12, 2014 - 2:22 am

    have missed you and your bears although I was there in that cave recently and gnawed a few bones, chewed some berries and slept deep in dank fur…maybe I am still there but uncertainty and false memories scramble my name…I looked for your company in that stone concavity…to share chocolates, a desperate need for sweet nothings. I have learned from inebriated and jolly tars that melted chocolate can seal holes in leaking boats…yet to try this but just thought it may be useful information for you on your journey…hearing you all the way Carl…all the way…

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